August 23, 2008
February 14, 2008
February 08, 2008
January 05, 2008
First post in 2008
Is the new year, again.
Is the time to compile a list of new year resolution, which more often than not, unfulfilled.
2007 has been a journey worth experiencing.
The good times and the bad times.
The loving times and the hurtful times.
Sure enough, lots of memories are left behind. Good ones.
The travelling. The spending time together.
But is also the year of realisation, due to certain curiousity.
Realisation that penetrate through the heart and leave a somehow non-removable stain.
Is been long. More than half a year. Yet it still remain. It depletes trust to a certain extent.
It questions.
And to this date, when the new year is already started. It still lingers.
I have let the experience and the hurt penetrate through that I remember it all the time.
I have not learnt to detach it, so that I live the way I live.
The penetration is halfway. It needs to go through fully so that numbness set in, and I will be able to detach from it.
Will 2008 do it for me?
Or will it continue.
It's not been said but the good times are wonderful experiences. Memories that will always be close to my heart. And when I remember them, I can smile and wish those memories are happening everyday, when I wake up.
It's so good that it affects me.
It's so good that when hurt ones settled in, it is really hurtful.
It's so good that I give up confronting.
It's so good that I am scared.
It's so good that I compare and expect.
It's so good that I fall in disappointment time and time again.
But when you realise all that and say a sweet word, I smiled.
Can I just live with that one moment of sweetness?
What do I expect?
I don't know.
2008.
Be good to me.
I want the same love.
I want the same spark. Time has no excuse.
Is the time to compile a list of new year resolution, which more often than not, unfulfilled.
2007 has been a journey worth experiencing.
The good times and the bad times.
The loving times and the hurtful times.
Sure enough, lots of memories are left behind. Good ones.
The travelling. The spending time together.
But is also the year of realisation, due to certain curiousity.
Realisation that penetrate through the heart and leave a somehow non-removable stain.
Is been long. More than half a year. Yet it still remain. It depletes trust to a certain extent.
It questions.
And to this date, when the new year is already started. It still lingers.
I have let the experience and the hurt penetrate through that I remember it all the time.
I have not learnt to detach it, so that I live the way I live.
The penetration is halfway. It needs to go through fully so that numbness set in, and I will be able to detach from it.
Will 2008 do it for me?
Or will it continue.
It's not been said but the good times are wonderful experiences. Memories that will always be close to my heart. And when I remember them, I can smile and wish those memories are happening everyday, when I wake up.
It's so good that it affects me.
It's so good that when hurt ones settled in, it is really hurtful.
It's so good that I give up confronting.
It's so good that I am scared.
It's so good that I compare and expect.
It's so good that I fall in disappointment time and time again.
But when you realise all that and say a sweet word, I smiled.
Can I just live with that one moment of sweetness?
What do I expect?
I don't know.
2008.
Be good to me.
I want the same love.
I want the same spark. Time has no excuse.
December 19, 2007
Having One is not important.
Having One that act like One is what matters.
It is not about weird perception.
It is about how it seems from the other side.
It is not about making too much a big deal.
It is about hinting how the current emotional state is.
It is not about words and promises.
It is about that words and promises being performed.
It is not about spending time together because it is demanded.
It is about the want to spend time together because it crosses your mind.
It is not about "maybe" or "see how" whether there is time.
It is about giving time first hand. What happens then happens.
It is not about always being like this.
It is about reminder of the current state.
It might seem okay.
But it is not okay.
Having One that act like One is what matters.
It is not about weird perception.
It is about how it seems from the other side.
It is not about making too much a big deal.
It is about hinting how the current emotional state is.
It is not about words and promises.
It is about that words and promises being performed.
It is not about spending time together because it is demanded.
It is about the want to spend time together because it crosses your mind.
It is not about "maybe" or "see how" whether there is time.
It is about giving time first hand. What happens then happens.
It is not about always being like this.
It is about reminder of the current state.
It might seem okay.
But it is not okay.
November 14, 2007
Skin Deep
What do you do when you know something is up, but yet don't know it for sure? What if everything is taken for granted. Happiness that last 24 hours, but sadness the next day. Confusion on one day and love on another. Depression vs joy.
All these, are they shallow?
Is there anything skin deep?
That has intimate meaning.
That life is just not about dots scattered all around places.
But that life is about dots making pattern, connected to one another.
Do these dots make sense?
How do you know if you have found the correct answer?
How do you know if you have found the right one?
All these, are they shallow?
Is there anything skin deep?
That has intimate meaning.
That life is just not about dots scattered all around places.
But that life is about dots making pattern, connected to one another.
Do these dots make sense?
How do you know if you have found the correct answer?
How do you know if you have found the right one?
November 09, 2007
October 16, 2007
Incomplete
Incomplete as the opposite of complete.
To be complete, is to be whole - no blankness or vacuum occupying the space.
Then there is pseudo complete. The satisfaction of feeling that you have achieved the completeness, yet the unsatisfactory return of that completeness for nothing is perfect as we see in our minds.
As much as giving brings greater happiness, it is human nature to desire for the same return. But often, the balance is never achieved. There'll always be more of => and <= implications rather than <=>.
It is this dissatisfaction that more or less create incompleteness within the space of joyful completeness.
I can't help but to wonder, where is my imaginary completion that I yearn for?
Jeez.
To be complete, is to be whole - no blankness or vacuum occupying the space.
Then there is pseudo complete. The satisfaction of feeling that you have achieved the completeness, yet the unsatisfactory return of that completeness for nothing is perfect as we see in our minds.
As much as giving brings greater happiness, it is human nature to desire for the same return. But often, the balance is never achieved. There'll always be more of => and <= implications rather than <=>.
It is this dissatisfaction that more or less create incompleteness within the space of joyful completeness.
I can't help but to wonder, where is my imaginary completion that I yearn for?
Jeez.
May 16, 2007
Helpless
I feel so low.
How much do I worth?
Am I meant nothing?
What's with the numbers and sayings...are they gone?
Have they just become a mere statement. Automatic answering machine?
"promises"
Heart sinks as soul lost.
How much do I worth?
Am I meant nothing?
What's with the numbers and sayings...are they gone?
Have they just become a mere statement. Automatic answering machine?
"promises"
Heart sinks as soul lost.
I can feel my heart crying in pain.
FUCK!
STATUS
AM I NO DIFFERENT
THE EXTREMITY AND HARDCORITY OF THEM ALL
EXCUSES
LIES
INSATIABLE
EMPTY
PROMISES
PSEUDO
FUCK!
ATTACHMENT VS OBSESSION
LOVE VS LUST
BEYOND WORDS
- TOO NANO OR TOO MACRO
PAIN
PLEASURE
FUCK!
LEARN TO BE LONELY.
LEARN TO BE SILENT.
LEARN TO KEEP TO MYSELF.
LEARN TO SHUT IT CLOSE.
STATUS
AM I NO DIFFERENT
THE EXTREMITY AND HARDCORITY OF THEM ALL
EXCUSES
LIES
INSATIABLE
EMPTY
PROMISES
PSEUDO
FUCK!
ATTACHMENT VS OBSESSION
LOVE VS LUST
BEYOND WORDS
- TOO NANO OR TOO MACRO
PAIN
PLEASURE
FUCK!
LEARN TO BE LONELY.
LEARN TO BE SILENT.
LEARN TO KEEP TO MYSELF.
LEARN TO SHUT IT CLOSE.
November 28, 2006
Curiosity kills
Sometimes curiosity kills. It is better to just sit still. It can imply many things and hurt others. And misunderstanding might lead to greater hell.
I am terribly sorry. And regret. It won't happen again.
I trust, and sincerely am.